Super Simple Ruffled Baby Shrug

As you may have gathered from the title of this post, these are not just gratuitous baby photos. This is about the shrug she's wearing.
As you can see from this sort of back view, it's really straightforward. I wanted something that was not only feminine, but simple and rustic. I think I accomplished that.

Here's my pattern for it.

Simple Ruffle Baby Shrug

Size: 9 - 12 months

Yarn: Paton's Classic Wool (100g, 205 m, 223 yds) Natural Mix

Needles: US9

Gauge: After I knit this up, I decided gauge wasn't especially critical for this project. Paton's Classic Wool calls for US7 needles to get 20s = 4" (10 cm), but I chose to have a looser fabric by jumping up a couple needle sizes to US9. Had I used US7 needles, I probably would have gotten gauge (for some reason, this tends to happen with me), a somewhat denser fabric, and possibly size 6-9 months. So the option of other sizes could be addressed by variously changing the yarn used and the size of the needles, I imagine. Just remember that garter stitch stretches horizontally considerably.

Abbreviations:
PM: Place stitch marker
SM: Stitch marker

NOTE ON BUTTONHOLES: I started mine on Row 3, then made the second one at about 2", counted the number of rows between the first buttonhole and the second, and then placed the third buttonhole after I had knit that many rows. (For example, if I knit 24 rows after the first buttonhole, placing the second buttonhole on Row 25, I then knit 24 more rows and made the following row the buttonhole row. Then I knit three more rows.)

CO 36

Row 1 [WS]: k8, PM, k5, PM, k10, PM, k5, PM, k8, turn.

Row 2 [RS]: *k to 1 st before SM, yo, k1, sl SM, k1, yo, repeat from * to end, turn.

Row 3: k across row, turn.

Repeat Rows 2 and 3 until knitting measures 4" from CO edge, ending with a RS row. Place sts between 1st SM and 2nd SM, and 3rd SM and 4th SM on scrap yarn to be worked later. (These are the sleeves sts.)

Next Row: p3, *yo, p1, repeat from * to 3 sts before end of row, yo, p3, turn. Work in stocking stitch for about 1 1/2 inches (3.75 cm). Cast off all sts.

Sleeves:
Place sts on scrap yarn on needles. With RS facing, rejoin yarn at armpit, making sure to leave about 4" (10 cm) of tail. k3, *yo, k1, repeat from * until 3 sts before end of row, k3. Work in stocking stitch for 1 1/2 inches (3.75 cm). Cast off all sts. Turn work inside out and use CO tail to close gap in armpit.

Finishing:
Sew on buttons, weave in all ends. Block if desired. (The ruffles will curl up at the edges, so I blocked mine to minimize it.)

Voila! You have a baby shrug!

Oh, hail!

It was raining like the dickens today. Yes siree, we are in the depths of California winter here - some of the hail actually turned to snow on the back porch. True, there was only enough for one snowball, but what do you really expect? As I said, this is California.

Knitting Without Tears

I've been reading Elizabeth Zimmerman's Knitting Without Tears while nursing the baby down to sleep at night, which has it's pros and cons. The positive side of it is that I am reading something both interesting and educational. I used to be a bookaholic. Okay, perhaps I still am, since the only thing that rivals my yarn hoard is my book hoard, but the point is that before the arrival of the baby I actually had time to amass and read these books, rather than simply amass. They say that when you have a child that it takes up time that would otherwise be spent on other things. This is true for obvious reasons. What is hard to predict, however, is what shape this will take. Some people say that the knitting suffers. I find this not to be the case, especially now that the baby enjoys being in her walker for periods of time during the day. For me, reading as a daily activity got pushed out of circulation. But thanks to our new evening schedule (I wash baby, daddy oils and pj's baby, I nurse baby down to sleep and read while laying with her once she's stopped fussing) I am opening books again. Very good, illuminating books. Which brings us to the cons of the situation.

Knitting Without Tears makes me want to knit everything in her book. Just exactly as she tells me to, and ASAP. I thought I was a pretty knowledgeable knitter, but she really opened my eyes to some fundamental things that I am shocked I've overlooked for so long. Like that backwards loops aren't just for adding stitches at the end of rows or buttonholes - it can stand in for an M1. Simple, obvious, and totally overlooked by me. So here I am at nights, engrossed and gobsmacked by this book, a six month old baby firmly latched on to my boob while I lay in the bed, unable to get up and get to work exploring these sudden revelations.

It is, in a word, torture.

I finished it last night, thank goodness. Now I am waiting for another Elizabeth Zimmerman book in the mail. Because I am a masochist.

Please enjoy the following gratuitous holiday baby photo:

Flower Necklace

I designed a flower necklace for my Etsy shop, The Concept Cat.
It looks fairly basic, but I had to come up with the shaping for the leaves and flowers based on my crocheting experience, rather than on existing patterns, because everything sold at Etsy must be original.
The neat detail to this project is that there are buttonholes all the way down the length of the necklace, so the flower can be buttoned at any point.

I've considered writing this pattern up, but there are some jiggly things I do with the leaves that I am not sure how to explain - they're non-standard moves, so I'd have to make my own abbreviation for each of them, and try to clearly explain them. While I think I am rather good at writing up clear patterns (knock on wood) this kind of thing isn't what I would like to attempt on only one cup of coffee. Or even with the baby in the house. Maybe if I locked myself in a closet with a flashlight, and nobody was home, or knew where to find me?

Well, you get the idea.

Mother-Baby Beanie Set

I got my first Etsy sale, and it was (of all things!) a request for a custom made mother and baby beanie set. It needed to match a striped baby carrier. This is what I came up with:

It's crocheted. Stripes of varying thicknesses were requested, and not being one to turn away from a challenge (recall me saying I learned to knit on varnished and filed shishkabob sticks...?) , I chose to use single, half double, and double crochet stitch rows rather than just making the rows appear wider by doing two or three rows of single crochet in the same color. I did this because I wanted the hats to not be as stiff as they would have been had they been entirely in single crochet. I needed to pay close attention to when it was right to put in increases because it wouldn't just be every two rows, etc. I also needed to have the baby beanie mimmick the mother's beanie enough so that it was obvious they were a set, but not exactly match because the baby beanie used less rows but still needed all the colors represented. I think it turned out well, and fortunately, so did my customer. :)

I included this flower broach to match the beanies as a thank you gift:

Trellis Inspired Beanie

I knit V the cardigan Trellis from Knitty and I felt it needed a good hat to go with it, so I made this using the same gauge, yarn and cables:



View of the crown. I'm pleased with how it came together.


I think it turned out well.

Edited to add:

In fact, I think it turned out so well that I wrote up the pattern. Here it is!

Trellis Inspired Beanie Pattern

Size: 3-6 months

Tools: a set of US #7 dpns (4.5 mm), darning needle

Yarn: I used about half a ball of Lion Brand Wool-Ease, so approximately 100 yds of any worsted weight yarn might do.

Unfortunately, I don't have an adequate knitting chart generator to express this pattern, so I've written it out row by row. (If you're familiar with Trellis then it may be helpful for you to know that Rows 9-18 are essentially Chart A. I made a point of generally referring to where the Seed Stitches go, rather than saying exactly where every purl or knit should be, because I found that if you follow Chart A literally the second and fourth repeat of the diamond cable doesn't have it's Seed Stitches match up to the border.)

Some Abbreviations:
LT: k 2nd St on LH needle tbl, then k 1st St tbl and slide both sts off the LH needle.
LC w/ P: sl 2 sts to cn, hold to back, p1, k2 from cn
RC w/ P: sl 1 st to cn, hold to back, k2, p1 from cn

CO 76 stitches, join to work in round, being careful not to twist yarn. Work 8 rows in Seed Stitch.

Seed Stitch
Row 1: K1, [p1, k1] to end.
Every row is the same.

Row 9: *p2, LT, k2, p2, k2, work 7 sts in SS, k2, repeat from * 4 times.

Row 10: *p2, k4, p2, k3, work 7 sts in SS, k2, repeat from * 4 times.

Row 11: *P2, k1, LT, k1, p2, LC W/ P, work 5 sts in SS, RC W/ P, repeat from * 4 times.

Row 12: *p2, k4, p3, k2, work 5 sts in SS, k2, p1, repeat from * 4 times.

Row 13: *p2, k2, LT, p3, LC W/ P, work 3 sts in SS, RC W/ P, p1, repeat from * 4 times.

Row 14: *p2, k4, p4, k2, work 3 sts in SS, k2, p2, repeat from * 4 times.

Row 15: *p2, LT, k2, p4, LC W/ P, work 1 st in SS, RC W/ P, p2, repeat from * 4 times.

Row 16: *p2, k4, p5, k2, work 1 st in SS, k2, p3, repeat from * 4 times.

Row 17: *p2, k1, LT, k1, p5, sl 3 sts to cn, hold to back,sl last p st from cn to LH needle and knit it, k2 from cable needle, p3, repeat from * 4 times.

Row 18: *p2, k4, p5, k2, work 1 st in SS, k2, p3, repeat from * 4 times.

Row 19: *p2, k2, LT, p4, RC W/ P, work 1 st in SS, LC W/ P, p2, repeat from * 4 times.

Row 20: *p2, k4, p4, k2, work 3 sts in SS, k2, p2, repeat from * 4 times.

Row 21: *p2, LT, k2, p3, RC W/ P, work 3 sts in SS, LC W/ P, p1, repeat from * 4 times.

Row 22: *p2, k4, p3, k2, work 5 sts in SS, k2, p1, repeat from * 4 times.

Row 23: *p2, k1, LT, k1, p2, RC W/ P, work 5 sts in SS, LC W/ P, repeat from * 4 times.

Row 24: *p2, k4, p2, k2, work 7 sts in SS, k2, repeat from * 4 times.

Row 25: *p2, k2, LT, p2, k2, work 7 sts in SS, k2, repeat from * 4 times.

Row 26: *p2, k4, p2, k2, work 7 sts in SS, k2, repeat from * 4 times.

Row 27: *p2, LT, k2, p2, k2, work 7 sts in SS, k2, repeat from * 4 times.

Row 28: *p2, p4, k2, work 7 sts in SS, k2, repeat from * 4 times.

Begin decreasing as follows:

Row 29: *p2tog, k1, LT, k1, p2tog, LC W/ P, work 5 sts in SS, RC W/ P, repeat from * 4 times.

Row 30: *p2, k4, p2, k2, work 5 sts in SS, k2, repeat from * 4 times.

Row 31: *p2tog, k2, LT, p2tog, LC W/ P, work 3 sts in SS, RC W/ P, repeat from * 4 times.

Row 32: *p2, k4, p2, k2, work 3 sts in SS, k2, repeat from * 4 times.

Row 32: *p2tog, LT, k2, p2tog, LC W/ P, work 1 st in SS, RC W/ P, repeat from * 4 times.

Row 33: *p2, k4, p2, k1, sl1, k2tog, psso, k1, repeat from * 4 times.

Row 34: *p2, k1, k2tog tbl, k1, p2, k1, ssk, repeat from * 4 times.

Row 35: p2, *k1, LT, p1, p2tog, p2tog, p1, repeat from * 4 times.

Row 36: *k3, p2tog, p2tog, repeat from * 4 times.

Row 37; *k2, ssk, k2tog, repeat from * 4 times. Cut yarn. Using daring needle, thread yarn end through remaining sts and close off top.

Drawing a day #1

Here it is:
Alas, I am rusty, in art and photography. I don't know if you can tell, but the above is a rose. It's not a real rose, but a cloth hair clip rose that I snagged off my dresser at 8:15 in the rush to get something drawn. It may have been a little too ambitious, because it took me until I was nearly finished to be warmed up. Just how long has it been since I have drawn anything? I know I was pregnant at the time, and the baby is now four months old. So at least four months, if not longer. Oh, my. Well, hopefully tomorrow I plan ahead a little more and draw something I am a bit more proud of?

A drawing a day

To keep some sense of motivation going, I'm beginning a new scheme on this blog:

A drawing a day.

This daily drawing will have certain perimeters:

1) it will be exactly 3"x3", because I am hopelessly anal and anything larger would take me a couple days (Ok - I exaggerate slightly, but the gist of it is I need to not paint myself into a corner here and shoot for something attainable);

2) it will be completed and posted by 9am PST;

3) it will be drawn, of course.

I had the baby

As you can see below. I had maternity leave, I used it, and then on the third day back I got laid off.

On a positive note, now I have more time to knit. With the baby. :P

Knitting Away

Before it's too late!

I'm a lap knitter, so it's only a matter of time before the lap becomes a hindrance to my knitting. Much crocheting has been ferreted away for such an emergency.

Yesterday, I:

• had to make myself breakfast, because the boyfriend was up and down all night with stomach pain (we have no idea why, but it's mysteriously gone now);
• as a result, I ate half of a piece of cold vegetarian lasagna with about 1/4 cup of milk;
• but I did manage to pack lunch, which I ate all of: a piece of lasagna, a Muenster cheese/mayo/ sprouts sandwich, and two carrots;
• brought a box of instant organic maple oatmeal to work for emergencies;
• ate a serving of it right before going home;
• had more lasagna upon arriving home;
• cast on a baby sweater;
• told the boyfriend the fetus is named Bubba.

Today, I:

• rousted the boyfriend out of bed to feed me at 6am (He is supposed to make sure I eat right! No shirking!);
• ate a two egg omelet with spinach, mushrooms, Parmesan cheese, two slices of wheat toast, and a cup of cafe au lait (you see why I get him up? :P);
• supervised the Packing of My Lunch while I did dishes;
• implemented the Grocery List on the Fridge Plan;
• had two carrots and two pieces of celery, basically all morning;
• drank a cup of doctored Earl Grey;
• drank a glass of water;
• had 1/4 of an avocado/sprouts/Muenster cheese/mayo sandwich (I think those carrots and celery may have done me in!);
• am contemplating having a boiled egg before leaving work;
• was pleased to hear at lunch that the Grocery List on the Fridge Plan is working.

In a way, I am training a stay-at-home-dad, because that is the sort of guy my boyfriend is. He cleans much better than me, and he's good at (and seems to enjoy) doing all the grocery shopping, with some direction (which I am hoping to slowly remove so that he will act independently), and he's not as equipped to deal with structure imposed from external sources as I am. He agreed that part of his participating in this pregnancy is looking after my nutrition, because I am terrible about remembering to eat, etc., but I am finding that I am having to gently impose this half of the time, or else he tries to sleep. I think that after a couple of months of this, he will have a pattern worked out and will be on automatic. That'll be handy if I am practically useless myself from nausea, fatigue, etc.

Knitting

The baby knits are under way. In fact, I must confess that they were begun before I was actually pregnant. The following items were knit the month before:

KnitPicks Crayon beanie in what I thought was a newborn size, but turned out 3 month old size. Oh, well. Good thing I knit this:
KnitPicks Comfy beanie in Blackberry colorway.
I still have half a ball of yarn from either beanies, which I will probably make socks or mittens from.
This is a baby jacket knit with Reynold's Odyssey. I am in love with it. It needs blocking and buttons. I figure I have... 8 months to get that done?

I also started a maternity sweater.

All I have left on the front is the right neckline. It's the Mommy Shrug from Interweave Knits. I bought this yarn about a week before I started the project with the intention of making a maternity sweater, but I had totally misjudged how much yarn I would need. Imagine my horror when I cast on and saw I was about two skeins of Cascade 220 Heathers short! However, I am one lucky knitter, because I went back to the store A MONTH LATER and got three more skeins in the SAME DYE LOT. Whew!

I also bought a shitload of yarn for baby stuff, including my first baby cashmerino:
Seamless baby booties! Size 6 months, though.

Well. This is hit-or-miss, I'm finding. Fortunately, babies grow, so all is not lost! This should just be a lesson to me on the unpredictability of gauge when you think it's not worth swatching for a project that would take as long as the swatch to complete.

Nevertheless, I made a matching hat, which is definitely not newborn size, may be closer to 3 months than 6 months, but oh well again. (I should not make matching sets, but mix-and-match things.)

I'm pretty pleased with it.

Next up - a wrap cardi! In blue! Because I'm not going to find out the sex, and dammit, I will put the baby in whatever color I like!

The Dilemma

Yesterday, I:

• had to get up early to go to some course for work at some hard to get to location;
• only had a sandwich made of two scrambled eggs with mozzarella on top, between two pieces of buttered wheat toast with a cup of coffee;
• thought I’d only get to eat the two boiled eggs that were hastily packed for my lunch (because of aforementioned course required me leaving for work early);
• got lost on the way and had to be rescued by my boss;
• spent about nine hours in a lecture on Cathodic Protection that was occasionally interrupted by 15 minute intervals of eating and peeing (I know, I make it sound soooo exciting!);
• nearly went into a fit when I saw the food spread had little packets of peanut butter;
• had a decaf coffee;
• ate a croissant with peanut butter and honey, some melon slices and berries;
• ate a sandwich made of wheat bread with mayo, lots of Monterey Jack, lettuce, and tomato;
• ate a BIG sugar cookie;
• had most of a large dill pickle;
• ate some egg salad and some more fruit;
• and then ate some more fruit and more decaf and an orange juice;
• was hungry enough when I got home to make myself three pieces of French Toast;
• went to bed.

I am just a tad hungry.

Okay, this is kind of perpetual problem for me – small stomach, fast metabolism. A couple hours without eating and I don’t exactly feel faint, but I do feel like I’m far from being a happy camper. For instance, right now.

Today, I:

• had about a cup and a half of oatmeal with milk and honey and half a cup of coffee with milk;
• went to test for yesterday’s course;
• had two cups of decaf, a slice of banana bread (no croissants! :O), and some melon and berries again;
• ate two hard boiled eggs with nutritional yeast and salt about an hour later.

And now it’s a couple hours after that and I am dying. Dying, I tell you! I ate one of those peanut butter packets I scored from the course smorgasbord (who’d notice?) but that only staved off the hunger for a very, very short while. I have set the boyfriend via instant messaging to making split pea soup, but I won’t be having any of that for at least three more hours.

I’m not sure whether this has anything to do with being about 5 weeks pregnant or not. But the boyfriend has been placed on Feeding Duty. It is now more his responsibility than mine to be sure I eat when I need to eat, with a special emphasis on packing my lunch. (I am notorious for not eating all day because I didn’t bring a lunch, and then being a wreck at the end of it.) There are plans for me carrying a freezer bag of chopped raw veggies to work every day, as well as a couple hard boiled eggs, and discussions have begun about making oat cakes from scratch on a regular basis for snacks as well. And I am taking vitamins. All. Day. Long. (Or so it seems – my multivitamin is not a one-a-day, but a five-a-day.)

I finally got a call back from local midwives. Interviews are being scheduled.

But the real thing on my mind is:

What to knit?!?!?

I take that back

Yesterday, I:

• had oat bran and a cup of coffee for breakfast;
• was too tired/lazy to pack lunch;
• really, really regretted it;
• took a pregnancy test as soon as I got home;
• reheated some eggplant Parmesan and scarfed it down;
• sent this photo to practically everyone's cell phone:

That's two lines which are (believe me!) not nearly so fuzzy in person. So last month I wasn't pregnant, but this month... I am.

Not Incubating

As far as I know, that is... I'm back at that limbo zone where I am not late or feeling funny (or perhaps, funnier than usual) where it's impossible to tell either way.

Yesterday, I:

• had two eggs scrambled with mushrooms with buttered toast and coffee for breakfast - almost! (I had the boyfriend eat half of it after he finished his. He is garbage disposal.);
• drank coffee with it;
• had coffee at work, and an apple for lunch, along with some chips and some oatmeal cookies I made Sunday as a mood enhancer for the boyfriend;
• had a scrambled egg sandwich with avocado and sprouts on toasted bread for dinner;
• and a chocolate Pocky;
• cleaned my guest room.

Today, I:

• had one scrambled egg with toast for breakfast (boyfriend prepared this time), along with coffee;
• missed my subway stop! (And I wasn't even asleep!);
• had an apple and some pre-Halloween candy for lunch, along with my second in-office coffee;
• just discovered an oatmeal cookie I overlooked yesterday, which I am about to decimate!

(Note to self: Pack lunch, damn you!)

Responsibility

Yesterday, I:

• had a bowl of veggie/rice/kidney bean soup with two pieces of buttered toast for dinner;
• had a hot cocoa w/ it;
• took a hot bath for my... soreness;
• tried to go to sleep at 8pm;
• finally went to sleep around 9:30;
• was kept awake by my boyfriend, who hadn't seen me since 6am (my novelty hasn't worn off).

Today, I:

• had a bowl of oatmeal cooked with a banana for breakfast;
• drank a cafe au lait;
• had a cup of herbal tea at work;
• ate two cheese sandwiches for lunch;
• snacked on a couple sugared, sour, peeled dried plums? I think? (Our admin. people put out the damnest food... and I always eat it!)
• drank a Diet Coke;
• am starving.

The countdown is really on now! Couple days 'til testing...

Work

When I lived in Boston, I had a long commute (45 mins., each way) but I passed the Post Office, which was on my block. This meant I could reasonably participate in swaps, etc.

The Post Office closest to me in Oakland is, I suspect, in Emeryville. I have not been to this Post Office, but a friend of mine has (on my behalf, picking up a package) and I recently missed getting a package there because, frankly, I SIMPLY COULD NOT MAKE IT. There is a Post Office near the BART station I take in the morning - I think it's in Berkeley - but I am on the train in the morning before it opens and off it in the evening way after it closes.

This Post Office situation, combined with my now 1hr 30 min commute (each way), now means that seeing a Post Office is something I can only dream of. This has created problems.

I have an hour lunch, but I have no idea where there is a Post Office in San Leandro, and I have no car and work in an industrial area. If I forget lunch I can't even get that. I am out of luck. (If, however, I want to become a connoisseur of big rig truck types, this is the place!)

Seriously. For three months my rent has been a couple days late because I could not get a stamp. (I know what you're thinking - when I finally got a stamp for the first one, why didn't I get more? In answer to that question, ask yourself: How many three cent stamps scavenged from my junk drawer fit on a standard business envelope? And how many months can I desperately scavenge 3 cent stamps in my apartment? Answer: one. The landlord picked up the others.) I am so behind in a swap I'm in, I should fear a lynch mob. (Seriously, again.) And those clothes I was going to send to my nephew? He's outgrown them.

This is quite a dilemma. It may be solved by the presence of the boyfriend, who has evening classes. But one thing I have decided: no more swaps, no more book exchanges. I'm not even sure I can order yarn online. Or magazines. (The mailperson is oddly reluctant to fit them in my box, and instead is insisting I come get them in Emeryville. What's with that?)

So. I will have a discussion with the boyfriend. He's proven himself proficient in grocery shopping by proxy so far... maybe he is good at parcels, too.

But I am finding it incredibly ironic that having a steady job means I can't get anything, even very basic things, done without great difficulty. Spraining the foot would have been the end of me, probably, if the boyfriend hadn't been here, because I spent the first couple days crawling, and it's hard to grocery shop like that. (As it was, I missed two days of work because I simply could not get there. When I was well enough I was hauled to a bike shop by a friend, fortunately.)

Feed me!

Yesterday, I:

• had two eggs with two pieces of buttered toast, made by my boyfriend;
• didn’t bring lunch, so I had two granola bars and some Filipino candy from the receptionists instead;
• drank some hot cocoa;
• had some herbal tea;
• was starving by the time I got home, so I ended up eating a big bowl of soup with four pieces of toast;
• nearly fell asleep right afterwards;
• ate a soy ice cream sandwich;
• chugged some milk;
• fell asleep at 8:30;
• got a call from my boyfriend, who had been passed by by the bus he was supposed to take;
• went back to sleep when he got on the next one;
• dreamt of Patrick Dempsey.

Today, I:

• made myself two eggs (scrambled with cheese) and buttered toast for breakfast, and coffee;
• didn't pack a lunch;
• felt hungry by 9:04 am;
• feel like an idiot about it.

Plan B

Seems to be working so far. The boyfriend is now enrolled in school and taking classes, vacuuming my couch, making my bed... as those manly duties, hehe. Thank goodness he is a neat freak who cooks! (Now if I can only get him to pack me a lunch every day...)

Foot

I sprained the sucker, which is totally unfair. I didn't see a curb, and the rest is history. On the positive side, I now have a bike again, because without one I wouldn't be able to make it to work.

Hungry, Tired, Sore Breasts

And, oh yeah. My breasts have been crazy sore for about a week now. The fatigue I was feeling from sleeping in a bed with someone after months of having a nice peaceful bed to myself hasn't gone away. I was discounting it until last night, when I practically went to bed a 7pm, got some sound sleep - and still, even now, feel tired, even though I woke up before the alarm as if I'd had enough. I'm constantly getting up in the wee hours to... wee. And I'm starving all the time now. Just starving. I was dying for some buttered toast last night. Read into all of this what you will. I am. But I may be wrong. I could just be weird.

Plan B

Today, I:

• had a couple sips of coffee before leaving for work;
• ate melted cheese on toast for breakfast;
• am drinking yet more coffee at work;
• am trying to strategize Plan B.

Plan B is not a new plan, it is simply a plan that didn't get as much air time as Plan A. A very interesting weekend passed, ending (in a way) with my boyfriend calling me yesterday after work. Plan A (trucking school) was scrapped in favor of Plan B, him leaving trucking. He is probably as I type this packing his stuff to come to California.

Sudden? Well, I made the offer about four months ago. And three months ago. And the other week. So, yes, as far as a turnabout is concerned, it's sudden, but the offer has been longstanding, so this is not something totally out of left field.

This should be interesting. I need to clean everything. I have seriously been letting things go around the apartment, and now I have to seriously pick it all up. Time to finally plug in that new vacuum, scrub the bathtub, and clean the freezer. Time to make space in the medicine cabinet and thank goodness he can't carry furniture on a bus.

So. What is going to happen?

I will most likely be at my current job for a while longer, despite the tendinitis. I will save up for those doula classes I was thinking about (instead of saving for trucking classes) and concentrate once again on writing and art as a means out of the office, as well. I am also formulating plans to exploit the aforementioned boyfriend as a model for painting. Hehe.

Wish us luck!

Brace Yourself

I'm having ideas lately. (More on that after the food.)

Yesterday, I:

• skipped breakfast yet again;
• did not enjoy it;
• had a bagel with cream cheese and nutritional yeast for lunch;
• had a scrambled egg sandwich for dinner, just like I did the day before;
• did a lot of Internet research.

Today, I:

• had a fried egg on a whole wheat English muffin for breakfast for breakfast;
• drank a cup of warm milk with instant coffee in it;
• made myself late for work as a consequence.

I got a wrist brace for my left wrist, and I'm sleeping in it, and I am doing virtually no knitting or crocheting. Which is annoying. (I'm biting my nails instead. Good? Bad? See why I knit. I am fidgety.)

I am considering a major career change. This one is giving me tendinitis, for goodness sake! (Okay, well, maybe I wouldn't have tendinitis if I didn't knit and spend nine hours a day on a computer, but if something has to go to reduce strain... we know it isn't the knitting, is all I'm going to say.) And I have a very interesting option which most people I know will consider insane. Not because it is dangerous, or involves something indecent or actually crazy, but because it's kind of unconventional and out of left field.

My boyfriend (not partner or whatnot, merely boyfriend) is a trucker. I am on the phone (we both have headsets) over six hours a day. (Seriously - if a bug hits his windshield in an interesting splatter pattern, I know about it.) He is planning to truck for at least another year, but not more than two. He knows it's not a long-term lifestyle option for him: he has hobbies he can't do in a truck, and he wants to have kids that actually recognize him. And I am sick of offices. Do you see where this is going?

I'm researching trucking schools. If I team with him, his pay would go up several thousand dollars, and even though I'd technically be making half of what I make now, my overhead costs would be so much lower that I'd actually be able to save more money than I do now. (Which is presently zilch.) And while it's hard work, I'd get to see the country. Plus, if we can't live in truck together, it's probably not meant to be, but I doubt that. He seems to doubt that, too, because he was one the one who said Yes Please.

Unfortunately, I have a lease that doesn't expire until June (or July?), and two cats. I'm strategizing how to deal with the lease, and I think I could get family or friends to surrogate the cats. My main concern, actually, aside from the fact that I need to get in shape to pass some of the physical requirements of the job, is telling my friends. Esp. the California ones, who have been helping me settle in and nest. When (if?) I end up packing it all up and putting it in storage, they will probably be a) hurt and/or b) pissed. But I really can't do this lifestyle much longer, and the only problem I had with a transitory lifestyle before was the insecurity about money and where to sleep. That is not really a problem with trucking, since it is a job and one lives in the truck.

Plus, knitting is portable.

Sports Injuries

Yesterday, I:

• had leftover clam chowder with a whole wheat English muffin for lunch with a Diet Coke;
• caved in and got a medium curly fries and a bottle of water from Jack n the Box on the way home;
• had cheese melted on toast for dinner;
• drank a couple shots of sake (I'm really doubting whether this stuff has alcohol in it or not!);
• called my little sister;
• rummaged through my knitting mags for baby patterns.

Today, I:

• skipped breakfast again. My bad.
• am drinking coffee in its most doctored manifestation;
• am wondering what to do about my hands.

I'm going to say something very obvious now, such as: "Hands are important." Especially my hands, thank you very much. I use them a lot. (And that is another understatement.) I spend about nine hours on a computer at work every day, and when I am not on the computer, I am knitting or crocheting or something else... handy. I'm 34 so I guess it's only expected that I might start to notice my body turning mutinous on me by doing things like having my hands swell up and display symptoms of CTS.

So, a bit of swelling today, even though my knitting and crocheting the past couple days has been minimum. (Four or five rows of 116s! That's all!) I have even been dragging my ass at work on the computer to give my hands a rest. But all to no real avail. My left wrist is killing me, and both hands are sore. It is really annoying. I already take breaks when knitting, but that doesn't seem to matter. Strangely enough, these left wrist flare ups have little to do with how much I am knitting. They come seemingly out of nowhere. Seriously. I have mainly been crocheting lately, and I have had plenty of times when I've whipped out a sweater in eight or nine days without so much as a whine from my hands. It's really inexplicable.

Salt could be a bit of a culprit still. Note those curly fries yesterday? Note the slight swelling I am feeling in both hands and forearms right now? True, the swelling feeling didn't start directly after the curly fries, but it was only last night, and I haven't really been doing anything different than usual. There is still some room for doubt. I need to get a bit more scientific about this.

I'm thinking I need to get a wrist brace. Or two. Continue to lay off the handicrafts as much as I can stand, do hand exercises, drink lots of water, and maybe even do something radical like try one of those allergy discovery diets where you're eating gruel or something 24/7 and then add things to see what you react to.

Any suggestions?

Co-opting

In my dream the other night, I was angry because I was being co-opted in motherhood; all my efforts where appropriated by others who felt they had that right before I even had a chance. (In the dream, I didn't even get to see the baby before my family took it.) I had gone through nine months of pregnancy, labor, etc., only to have others treat me like I was just making something for them.

It's an interesting issue, to be sure. You may have noticed in my previous post that I mentioned that my little sister is kind of complicit in the co-opting of her own motherhood: while she protests verbally, her actions are the opposite. She needs help, but she is getting the help from people who don't trust her to manage things on her own in any way. As a result, getting someone to babysit so that she can work becomes a battle to have custody of the child at all. And as a teen mother who is very insecure in herself to begin with, she's losing.

I imagine she is very conflicted. It is hard to go from not having your own independence and concrete identity to motherhood in our culture. (Young women are not prepared for it. Not that they should or shouldn't be, but that's just the facts as I see it.) Which is why this new baby worries me so much. My sister could get even more lost in all of it. Or she could get it together somehow. I don't know.

While I know that what is happening to my sister won't happen to me, and wouldn't have happened to me at her age (not just because I wasn't sexually active, but because I am an altogether different person) there is still the danger of some co-opting, no matter what. Family and government, for better or worse, tend to think they have a right. This is a real stress for me when I think about having children someday, because I wildly disagree with my family on many issues, and with the government on some key points. For instance, I know my family will want me to bring the kid(s) around for key holidays, etc., but... I am not Christian. They aren't really, either - as long as I can remember, my family has practiced a kind of secular Christianity. Mainly, I think, to conform with society. Rebelling against that will be an uphill battle.

Hell, just telling them I think midwifery is a better option than an OB/GYN would be huge drama.

Fortunately, I don't get any pressure from my parents to "give" them grandchildren; if they spoke like that to me, I'd move to Alaska. Or New Zealand. And then have kids, and send them photos every now and then. I won't be having children because it fits into their plans. Or even the father of the children's plans. I'm firmly behind equal co-parenting, but I'm not having kids as a present for someone else. No sirree! It happens to be my body, my life.

So, many dreams. Nightmares. Nights awake, analyzing. Wishing family wasn't just a collection of people with similar genes who can be loved, but not necessarily liked, or even lived around harmoniously.

Frickin' Babies

Yesterday, I:

• had a sprouted bagel with cream cheese and a coffee for breakfast;


• had another sprouted bagel with cream cheese with a Diet Coke for lunch;


• ate a piece of chocolate and two packages of crackers (the kind you get with soup in a restaurant) on the walk home to avoid fainting from hunger;


• ate a bowl of clam chowder with toast for dinner;


• chugged some Crystal Light.

This morning, I:

• had a piece of chocolate on the BART platform on the way to work;


• have skipped breakfast because I was late to work and didn't want to dawdle in the office kitchen;


• am drinking coffee;


• checked my email through my phone while walking to work and found out my eighteen year old sister is pregnant AGAIN;


• nearly started to cry.

Not out of envy, mind you. More like the sort of reaction one has when they see a bus heading straight toward someone they love. And I'm not saying this because she's eighteen and unmarried and lives with our dad. There are a lot of ways where, under those conditions, her pregnancy would be a cause for joy. She could be one of those teen mothers one sometimes encounters that put so-called adult parents to shame with their dedication and joy in parenting. It could be a profound, life-changing experience that brings everything into perspective and enriches life-

However.

That is not what is happening. What is happening is my dad unofficially adopting the child she already has because she is busy partying. The child recognizes our younger sister more than he recognizes her, because our younger sister spends more time with him. Perhaps it won't always be this way, but that's how it is now, and I must say our dad is partly to blame. It is right that he should try to help where he can, but there is a difference between helping out with a baby and co-opting it that he hasn't distinguished yet. It's all a big mess, frankly, and it's only going to get messier.

So, stay tuned! More baby knitting to follow. I only hope the other stuff I made wasn't thrown out or given away. Now, to go gnash my teeth and rend my hair...

P.S. - the bridge in the previous post? That's the Golden Gate. Love California summers!