Friday, November 04, 2005

The Other Me

Recently I've noticed that even though I spend most of my money and time on architecture, I rarely discuss it, much less mention it. Like many Modern people, I am unconsciously compartmentalizing my life. I may as well complete it.

I now have a diary blog, a craft blog, and a student blog.

This blog (the "craft blog") seems to be my Fun Page, or Pleasure Palace. The "diary blog" is where I whine and complain and generally come off as a miserable human being. The "student blog" is the stuff I'm actually thinking about, in depth. My intellectual side, I suppose. (So Freudian, isn't it?) I'm calling it The Seven Year Stretch. (That's the length of my bachelor of architecture program.)

Enjoy - I dare you.

Do I have what it takes for STITCH 'N' BITCH, BOSTON?

And why are there suddenly Stitch 'n' Bitch knitting circles everywhere?

OK, maybe it's not sudden, just sudden to me. I don't get out much, at least, not in that way. So it seems really out of the blue. That's kind of why I am trying to join some Boston knitting circle.

I actually went to one sort of a couple times. I don't even know what circle it was, but I know a couple people in it, so I went. I wasn't invited, but I was given the time and directions when I asked. Maybe that was why I felt so weird; I had to approach them. I was very nervous and hardly said two words, which is rather unlike me. I'd also made a point of dressing down and then felt unstylish. Soem of the women were nice - there were also a couple guys - but some were also very catty. Maybe I'm just imagining that, but when I went back the second time, the knitting circle wasn't there. Later I learned that it had been relocated to someone's house because they couldn't find a babysitter. The people I knew in the circle didn't think to tell me. Didn't seem like much of a red carpet for a new member so I never went again.

I'm not actually a social pariah. I bathe, I brush my teeth, even my hair sometimes. I don't get followed by security guards. At least, only in CVS. (Must be the big knitting bag. Obviously, I'm up to something.) People don't cross to the other side of the street when they see me coming and the laughter around me is not at me, as far as I can tell.

But meeting people stresses me out. This is because of so many years in so many different California public schools. Reinventing yourself after every move so that you will be liked and can build friendship bases every couple months can be very emotionally exhausting. After the sixth or so time, I gave up. Not bothering has been working well for me so far and when I try to be liked it seems really neurotic and weird. There's some part of me that screams the whole time that it's all smoke and mirrors, a pretense, a disguise, and I hate that.

So maybe I'll have what it takes for the Boston chapter of Stitch 'n' Bitch. Maybe my palms won't sweat and I won't accidentally say something offensive and sincere. Maybe they'll like me despite all that. Maybe it'll be walking distance from my apartment. But probably not.

1 comment:

Tammie said...

Hey thanks for stopping by my blog. I see you are a sock knitter! I have way too much Lorna's Laces...I am embarassed to say just how many. How is that book Knitting Vintage Socks? I think I want it!